Friday, July 31, 2009

my favourite music video

this is what i like to listen @ office currently. very, very interesting. won't u agree?


video

Thursday, July 30, 2009

bila nak kaya ni....

isnin lepas pi kwsp, nak submit borang utk kuaqkan caruman sebab amik pencen. dokumen semua ok, so dalam sebulan dapatla duit tu, ikut kata pegawai yang aku jumpa tu. jenuh ler aku nak nunggu sebulan....
ni duit xdak lagi, tp dah macam-macam benda nak buat. tp yang paling penting.................
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BAYAQ HUTANG!!!!! huhuuhuhuhuhu.....

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

giveaway

hehehe...ini ler karya ulung aku. 1st time oooo...lukis guna paint dlm pc ni. not bad la kan....
mesti ada yg tertanya2, amende ler menatang ni. actually ini adalah my design for giveaway contest anjuran cik terompahsurau. sapa yang design paling keratif, cantik, happening & sewaktu dgnnya, akan dapat hadiah pouch exclusively made by the blog owner. so aku nak!!!!

gambaq yg atas tu adalah gambaran depan rupa pouch idaman aku. belang 3 tu-hijau kunin utk tanah tumpah darah ku, manakala kuning biru tanah aku cari makan. "mama a kuasa 3" lak sempena nama anak2 aku yg 3 org, all begining with letter a. and yg kaler hitam dalam huruf a utk 'mama' tu adalah button. (i suke sgt dgn button yg fancy2....cantik giler bila kena dgn gayanya).

gambaq bawah lak, rupa other side of the pouch. ada sunflower and a bee (at least itu ler rupa yg aku dpat lukis... *wink*).

so cik terompahsurau, bg la i menang, k. urs is the 1st giveaway yang i join tau. terharu tak. hehehehehe......

Thursday, July 23, 2009

matahari sakit?

perbualan ini berlaku pagi tadi, ketika menghantar anak sulungku ke tadika;

"mama, kemarin abang aniq tengok matahari sakit....."

"matahari sakit?"

"iyer...cikgu abang aniq yang bagitau."

"ohhhh....gerhana.....abang aniq tengok ka?"

"tengok..., cikgu tunjuk."

hmmmmmm.....matahari sakit. mungkin cikgu tak mau pening kepala menerangkan fenomena gerhana maka itulah penjelasan mudah yang diberikan kepada budak 5 tahun.

hmmmmmmmmmm................

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Poligami @ Kawin Lebih @ Madu

ini ada satu email yang aku terima baru-baru ini. memang menarik sekali. bila bercakap tentang poligami ni mmg suatu isu yang sangat sensitif terutama bg wanita. bagi aku sendiri aku tidak membenci poligami tapi aku tidak mungkin akan setuju untuk berpoligami kerana aku bukanlah seorang wanita yang tabah dan kuat imannya. moga2 aku tidak diuji dengan ujian ini.....amin......
aku sangat-sangat bersetuju dengan apa yang dipaparkan di bawah ini. moga2 mana2 suami, bakal suami yang bercita-cita, berangan-angan untuk pasang lebih, pikirla dalam2 apa yang diluahkan ini, oleh seorang lelaki juga (aku yakin)....
"Assalamualaikum. ..
p/s: sebelum baca, ini bukan kisah sy... luahan seorang kawan yg mungkin boleh kita ambil pengajaran dan ambil fikir. Mana2 yg kurang kita baiki, mana2 yg molek dah, teruskanlah. .. bagi yg bujang, ini persediaan. Wallahualam. ..
Saya sendiri sebagai lelaki rasa tercabar apabila isteri saya sering mewar-warkan kepada saya bahawa umur saya dah melewati 40 tahun. Life starts at 40. 'Kalau U rasa U nak pasang lagi satu, I izinkan', kata isteriku. Bila berangan tentang nak kahwin lain ni memanglah seronok. Tersengih-sengih aje lah I at that time. Dunia ni dah terbalik gamaknya, kawan-kawan aku siap pegi Siam sana nak nikoh lagi satu, ni bini aku siap suruh pasang sorang lagi...?!' Tak tahulah kalau isteri I tu main reverse psikologi dengan I. Tapi lepas I berfikir panjang, rasa-rasanya tak nak lah. Sebab apa ?
Bila mengenangkan umur I yang dah 40+. Let's say kalau I kahwin dengan anak dara, katakan umur 22 tahun. Memang lah seronok beb. Tentang makan minum, pakai I, kemas rumah dan kegemaran I, rasa nya I tentu asyik teringatkan my first wife. Tak perlu nak ajar, I suka makan apa, cam mana cara nak masaknya, baju I kena gosok cam gini, kalau I bangun tidur I suka kalau my wife dah siapkan segala gala nyalah. Tak perlu I bagitau, dia dah tahu apa I suka. Cerita apa I suka kat TV, teh atau kopi manis macam mana, hobi apa, sukan kegemaran ... semua dia dah tahu. Tak perlu start balik macam zaman umur 20-an dulu ... Rasa rasa dapat ke isteri muda I suruh buat gitu, tentu dia banyak ragam. Ye lah dia muda, I kan dah tua. Mesti dia kata I ni mengada-ngada. Sure I yang kena manjakan dia lebihlah, sebab dia muda. Silap haribulan, takut lari lak, kan ... Isteri muda ni bukan macam yang dah bersama dgn kita sejak muda.
Kalau kita rasa isteri tua banyak belanja, isteri yang muda pasti lagi teruk. Eh, budak 20-an zaman sekarang, dengan henbeg Gucci, dengan nak tudung kain Mawi dan henpon jenama Nokia N95, Itu tak termasuk kereta, paling korok pun mesti nak Honda atau Toyota . Perempuan muda sekarang mana main naik Proton atau Perodua. Kalau I tak bagi barang-barang tu, dia tak nak bagi 'barang' dia lak malam-malam. Sedangkan dengan isteri tua, awal-awal kahwin naik motorsikal cabuk pun sanggup, berpanas berhujan, dukung anak kita dicelah motor tu.
Ahh ... terkenang juga zaman 'miskin' dulu tu. Rumah dengan bini tua dulu pun setakat apartmet 3 bilik. Tidur atas tilam nipis, dapur pun kecik, perkakas pun tak banyak. Oh, untuk isteri muda, terpaksa aku buat OT untuk bayar rumah teres dua tingkat tu, nak bayar peti ais Samsung dan TV Sony Bravia 40-inci mu itu ... Dah umur 40-an ni, darah tinggi lak aku ni kena buat OT setiap hari... hari minggu pun kena cari duit ... nak tengok bola pun tak dapat ...
Lebih haru lagi, tentu anak anak I akan memberontak sakan. Yelah sekarang ni kan banyak kes bapak kahwin lain anak-anak lebih tertekan. Ramai jadi liar, hisap dadah, jadi mat rempit dan bohsia. Sebab tension bapak kawin baru. Takut mereka menjauhkan diri dari I, malah akan membenci pula. Disebabkan masyarakat kita ni memandang serong pada keluarga yang bapak mereka kahwin lebih dari satu.
Kalau I ada anak dengan isteri baru, tentu kecik sangat lagi di masa I dah tua dan memerlukan perhatian dari anak-anak. Sedangkan rumah isteri muda tengah hiruk pikuk dengan anak anak kecil (kan dah ada experience dengan isteri pertama -bagaimana kelam kabutnya dia menguruskan anak-anak). Sedangkan di rumah isteri tua, anak anak dah besar, boleh tolong mak dan sedang seronok bergurau senda bersama ibunya membincangkan topik-topik terkini dan juga kehidupan mereka. Duduk rumah bini muda, I yang tua-tua ni lak kena salin pampers dan bagi baby mandi. haha ... kalau tak buat, takut isteri muda merajuk pulak.
Tak boleh jadik nih. Banyak benda yang kena repeat. Mula mula kawin tentu seronok. Paling lama setahun-dua. Bila dah ada anak,tanggungjawab baru bermula semula sebagaimana dengan isteri pertama dulu-dulu. Tapi masa ni kita dah tak larat nak basuh berak anak, nak pegi shopping beli baju anak anak, nak dukung anak-anak. Lecehlah nak kena teman isteri muda buat semua tu. Silap haribulan orang kata tengah pilih baju cucu. Eii tak sanggup pula. Paling takut, orang ingat isteri muda tu anak I ...... lagi haru ...
Balik rumah mertua pula, teringatkan masa akad nikah dulu, beria ria kita nak kan anak dia, lepas tu kita kawin lagi satu. Tentu muka nih tak tahu nak letak kat mana. Orang tua tak kan nak straight to the point. Tanya itu ini. Kalau dia nak bercakap tentang tu cukup dengan jelingan dan kerlingan mata,buat kita dah tak senang duduk. Tak kan raya asyik balik umah mak mertua baru aje. Apatah lagi kalau I ni lak umur nak sama dengan mak-bapak mertua baru I tu ....
Hish banyak lah lagi. Bagi korang yang suka berbincang pasal benda yang indah indah kawin dua nih silakanlah. Tapi bagi I selagi hayat dikandung badan, selagi tu lah I tak nak tambah. Tak nak lah mendabik dada. Cakap besar. Tapi sekadar menurutkan nafsu dan benda dalam seluar tu rasanya tak pernah kurang pun layanan isteri pertama terhadap I. Keluarga ni, kita bina keluarga bahagia yang di depan mata. Bukannya yang di dalam kepala. Bukannya di dalam seluar dalam je. Hadapi hari esok yang tentu dengan keluarga yang banyak mengharungi susah senang dari mula. Pengorbanan isteri (walaupun kadang kala dia pernah merungut salah Kita juga, cuai dan mengabaikannya) .
Apa pun semuanya bermula dengan kita. Insaflah. Kalau nak ikut nabi, rasa rasanya solat subuh pun kita terlepas kalau isteri tu tak kejutkan. Bukan nak kata solat Subuh, kekadang waktu lain pun terlambat atau terlepas. Baca Quran pun sekali-sekala, baca Yassin pun hanya bila ada orang meninggal. Ikut sunnah Nabi apa nama tu. Tak payah lah yang lain lain. Kang ada yang nangis bila disebutkan. Cukuplah. Sesungguhnya amat bertuahlah suami-suami yang mempunyai isteri yang menyuarakan pendapat di ruangan ni. Membuktikan mereka sayang, kasih dan cinta pada kalian. Apa sangatlah kita nih. Macam nabi konon. ye ke? Bab kawin kawin aje nih cam nabi. Bab menegakkan benda dalam seluar dalam je nak ikut sunnah. Cuba bab menegakkan agama Islam, masih lagi terkial kial. Wallahualam."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tetamu Istimewa

Sabtu lepas aku telah menerima tetamu yang sangat istimewa. Ustazah Hayati, my favourite teacher from KISAS. Kedatangan beliau dan keluarga memang tidak dijangka. al-kisahnya, beberapa hari sebelum itu, aku ada menghantar sms kepada teman-teman, memberitahu mereka supaya menonton musabaqah kerana sahabat kami, Pn. Farah Ilyani akan mempersembahkan bacaan beliau. dan dalam ramai-ramai kawan yg aku sms tu, aku turut panjangkan hebahan tu pada Ustazah Hayati. jawapan ustazah, "hari sabtu ni cadang ke penang. ada sepupu kawin ari ahad di batu uban." aku jemputla dia mai rumah kalau betul dia ke penang.


pada hari kejadian, dalam pukul 3 lebih aku terima panggilan telefon dari ustazah, maklumkan dia dah kat penang, n nak mai rumah aku. terkezut aku kerana tak sangka yang ustazah mmg betul2 nak mai rumah. apalagi, kelam-kabut aku mengemas rumah yang macam kapal karam tu. nasib baik ustazah sesat (hihihih) so ada la masa nak menyimpan. dalam pukul 5 ustazah sampai di masjid negeri dan aku p jemput dia di sana. ustazah tetap maintain walaupun dah lebih 8 tahun aku tak jumpa dia. kali terakhir aku jumpa dia ialah masa aku p majlis reunion KISAS, aku masih di UM. masa tu dia tengah mengandungkan anak bongsu dia yang sekarang dah darjah dua. memang terharu sangat perasaan aku petang sabtu tu. berbunga2 hati kerana ustazah sudi berkunjung ke rumah aku ni.


ustazah mai dengan famili dia (suami dan 3 org anak) + kakak ipar dan anak saudara. hampir dua jam ustazah di rumah aku. macam-macam cerita lama yang diimbas kembali dan juga perkembangan terbaru classmates aku. dan sabtu tu, untuk pertama kalinya aku berkenalan dengan suami ustazah, cikgu sidek. semasa aku di KISAS, aku xpernah jumpa suami ustazah walaupun banyak kali p rumah depa. sebabnya suami ustazah ngajar sebelah petang. dan untuk pertama kalinya juga setelah 13 tahun meninggalkan alam sekolah, aku bercakap dengan md. nasir. walaupun kami keep in touch, tp sekadar di alam maya. n baru juga kutahu bahawa isterinya adalah anak murid ustazah juga. pn. arni, rupanya kita ni kira-kiranya rakan seperguruan la........ ish,ish,ish......tp ustazah hayati geleng kepala bila aku bgtau aku xpenah jumpa dengan dia walaupun kami duduk di dalam bandar yang sama. *wink* well, bukan dia sorang. ramai lagi kawan2 zaman sekolah yang ada di penang ni yang aku tak penah jumpa, walaupun aku tau kewujudan mereka di sini. terukkan aku ni....kuikuikui....


apapun kunjungan ustazah ke rumah aku amat bermakna. memang selama ini aku tidak pernah miss menghantar kad raya kepada beliau, tapi setakat itu jelah. namun selepas ini akan aku rajinkan diri berhubungan dengan ustazah supaya ikatan yang telah wujud ini semakin kukuh dan rapat. insyaallah....amin. buat ustazah, terima kasih kerana sudi bertandang di teratak buruk saya. bila-bila ke utara lagi, jemputlah ke rumah, pintunya sentiasa terbuka untuk ustazah sekeluarga.


Friday, July 17, 2009

PTPTN oh PTPTN


aku rasa majoriti graduan, siswazah yang keluaq dari universiti hari ini adalah mereka yg belajar dgn pinjaman daripada PTPTN. masa belajaq dulu, sesiapa yang dapat PTPTN ni mmg mewah, siap ada yang beli kancil guna duit tu. telefon bimbit tak payah kata la, latest addition selalu. tp bila dh tamat, kenapa kita liat nak membayar? sedangkan mmg kita tau itu bukan duit kita, pinjaman cuma. bukan mengata orang lain, aku sendiri pun tenggelam timbul bila mai bab ni. bila gaji lebih, byk la bayaq. klau ada komitmen lain, kurang la. kadang-kadang miss terus. tapi itu dulu. lani aku dah mewajibkan diri aku untuk bayaq, setiap kali terima gaji, walupun RM100.


tp aku mmg xsetuju dengan mereka yang dok komplen macam2 tntg PTPTN, esp isu kos pentadbiran tu. mmg aku xpuas hati juga, tp aku sedar bahawa terma tu dah mmg ada masa aku minta, dan aku setuju untuk terimanya bila sain perjanjian. jadi lani, walaupun xsuka, kena la bayaq sbb kita dah guna pun duit tu. kalau xsetuju, jangan la minta dari awal, walaupun apa jua alasan. betul tak?



sebenarnya aku tergerak untuk berceloteh tentang PTPTN ni bila terbaca tentang faizal tahir dalam KOSMO hari ni. itu la, jangan sangka yang xbayaq pinjaman ni mereka yang menganggur, atau berpendapatan rendah. aku percaya ramai peminjam2 yang liat bayaq ni adalah yang berkedudukan dan bergaji besar. tp lantaran gaya hidup, komitmen terhadap perkara lain jadi hutang PTPTN dianggap bukanlah sesuatu yang penting untuk dilangsaikan, maka dikesampingkanlah ia. aku dulu pun macam tu. tp sejak dua tiga menjak ni, aku dah insaf. sebab aku dah ada anak. kalau aku xbayaq hutang ni, xmustahil anak-anak aku esok xdapat menikmati kemudahan ini kerana dana yang ada xcukup untuk diagihkan. mungkin ada yang xsetuju dengan pendapat aku ni, tp ini la yang aku rasa. lagipun bak kata bekas pensyarah aku semasa di Nilam Puri, "hutang perlu dibayar......". so......., tepuk dada tanyalah iman.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

latest addition

alhamdulillah, keluarga suami aku dah bertambah sorang lagi. my biras gave birth to a baby girl at about 2.38 am yesterday. this is their 3rd child, 1st daughter. tahniah untuk ed dan hasnah. sekarang ni dah complete keluarga mereka. 2 boys and a daughter - adam, afif and the latest nurul syifa'. sekarang ni masih di batu pahat tp insyaallah, dalam sehari dua lagi akan balik ke pedu, kedah. nanti dah balik mai kedah, maklang dgn paklang p tgk baby yer.....


mesti depa gembira, sebab dah ada anak lelaki dan perempuan. dah boleh 'berehat' kalau mau. tp aku masih menanti kehadiran puteri untuk menambahkan kemeriahan keluarga kecil kami. masa mengandungkan adib dulu, rasa2 macam nak dapat anak perempuan. sebabnya pengalamannya sedikit berbeza dr my previous pregnancies. tp bila scan doktor kata lelaki. but still masih mengharap perempuan. bila p shopping, beli barang2 baby yang neutral - nor boyish neither girlish. tp Allah Maha Mengetahui segalanya. kita hanya merancang, berharap tapi Allah yang menentukan segalanya. mesti ada hikmah kenapa aku dikurniakan dengan ramai anak lelaki. dan aku bersyukur dengan apa jua anugerahnya. yang penting sihat dan sempurna. Alhamdulillah..... insyaallah, lagi tiga tahun baby girl plak (kan abah kan, kan, kan.....). amin...... :-)


jika aku semua lelaki, my sister plak semua perempuan. yang menariknya anak2 kami berselang, karang buah kata org tua-tua - aniq, huda, ashraf, hana, adib, ......? cucu keenam kakikwan dgn nenek is coming soon this december, so kita tunggu lelaki ke perempuan. kalau perempuan juga, 3 pasang la cucu my parents.

sesi menconteng buku - ashraf, hana, huda




dengan makcik - huda, aniq, hana


my family - semua ada kecuali keluarga angah & ateh


as for my parents in law, ini merupakan cucu kedua mereka bg tahun ni, dan ke 15 keseluruhannya. itu baru dari 4 orang, dan masih ada 6 yang belum berkahwin....see what a big family we have.

my other family - di suatu malam raya



Monday, July 13, 2009

kraftangan vs kerastangan

aku bukan lah seorang yang kreatif. tidak juga seorang yang berseni. namun sejak dua tiga menjak ni aku berminat melawat blog2 yang berkaitan dengan crafting, terutama yang menggunakan felt. sangat-sangat la menarik. especially yang lekat2 kat baju. mcm kat sini dan sini. rasa terpanggil-panggil untuk mencubanya. so nak kena cuba buat ni. nanti bila dah ada hasilnya, akan kukongsikan di sini. hopefully there will be something to show....hehehehe....

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

5/8, class of 1996

apa perasaan anda selepas sekian lama, tiba2 terjumpa gambar lama teman-teman zaman sekolah? me, myself cannot describe how i feel when i 1st saw my class picture, posted at my fb page by a friend. after more than a decade, it was very meaningful and nostalgic.

so, inilah my classmates, kelas 5 matematik tambahan 8 @ 5/8, class of 1996. kelas kami ni agak unik. sebabnya - antara kelas yang paling sikit ahli, 21 org shj; putera mengatasi puteri (thats how we call ourselves back then) iaitu 12:9 (kelas yg belum kiamat, hehehe), dan kelas tunggal aliran agama yg belajaq add-math (as u can see from the class name).

oleh kerana puteri cuma 9 org, kami sangat rapat. and kedudukan kami dlm kelas tidak pernah berubah selama dua tahun kami di KISAS - 1 row is fatin, wirda & jarr; 2nd row is myself, farah & amal; 3rd row is su, yatie & ana. yang menariknya 3 barisan ni ada karektor tersendiri - 1st row, aktif & pandai, 3rd row plak pendiam & very studious. tp plg best the 2nd row, my row, semuanya kaki tidoq. tp bila mai time bercakap, kami bertiga la juga campionnya. mmg indah sgt bila terkenang zaman tu.

as for the boys, aku xberapa rapat, yelah sekolah agama, biahnya tidak menggalakkan ke arah itu. bercakap hanya bila ada keperluan. itu pn lebih selesa menggunakan nota. mungkin jg dgn latar belakang aku yg asalnya dr all girls school so terbawa2 la hingga ke KISAS.

sekarang, aku masih lagi berhubungan dengan my girlfriends except two. eventhough xjumpa lama, phonecalls, sms, email, ym menghubungkan kami. perkembangan terkini ladies of 5/8;

1) wirda - happily married with an x-kisasian (same batch), have 2 girls & 2 boys. an ustazah, currently living @ jb;

2) jarr - still single, a lawyer and lecturer, currently @ uk (i forgot which part of uk), doing her PhD. chaiyok, chaiyok!;

3) farah - happily married with 4 kids (3 girls & 1 boy), ustazah @ kuching sarawak but now is doing her M.A @ UPM. still active in tilawah, last year got 2nd place @ national level, this year will be competing again as representative of sarawak, so kita tunggu...........;

4) yatie - happily married with a son, now living & teaching in her hometown, tg malim;

5) amal - single mother with a son, living in shah alam with her family;

6) fatin - still single & living in kl (thats all i know of her since she seem don't want to be found);

7) ana - lost contact but last news heard, she's married & working with a publisher or sth like that;

8) su - totally lost contact.

as for the gentlemen, most of them are lost to me except a few, and even that i keep their track thru cyberworld (fb, fs) :-

1) nasir - happily married with 2 girls (which the eldest has a name similar to my son - aufa - what a coincidence...) & a son. now working in KPDNHEP & living in penang (same state, same town but never met).

2) najib - a lecturer in selangor, married.

3) yusfarizal - a lawyer in kl, married.

the rest...??????

Monday, July 6, 2009

"when are we crossing a child's sexual boundaries?"

i got this article thru email this morning and i find it very worth reading and sharing. maybe there'll be people thingking this is not a very appropriate things to discuss but with all the things happening around us nowadays, we must take this matter into consideration. there are some points in this article that i disagree about (eg; on masturbation) but on whole i find it very fitting and we as parents should ponder it.


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WHEN ARE WE CROSSING A CHILD'S SEXUAL BOUNDARIES?



by Blythe Daniel, M.A.David Daniel, M.A.




Before 1970, our society was in denial asto the prevalence of child sexual abuse.Even worse, our society was in denial about what constituted sexual abuse. Fondling and oral, anal and vaginal intercourse with a child were the only acts that were considered to be sexual abuse. Today, there is a growing awareness as to just how widespread child sexual abuse really is. But there is also a new understanding of what constitutes child sexual abuse. Child rights advocates have contributed to this understanding by pointing out that a child’s body belongs to the child and that the child has the same boundaries as adults. Professionals have contributed what they have learned from working with victims of sexual abuse. Many of the victims are recovering from sex addiction or are seeking help for sexual dysfunctions. It has become evident that most people just do not know when they are crossing a child’s sexual boundaries. And they are not aware of the present or future harm that many adult behaviors produce in the child. It is not the purpose of this paper to blame or accuse. Obviously, if we do not understand a child’s boundaries it is because our own parents did not model proper boundaries. The sole purpose of this pamphlet is to educate parents andeveryone who is around children on the subject of the sexual boundaries of children.


WAYS ADULTS CROSS A CHILD’SSEXUAL BOUNDARIES

1) Touching the buttocks or future erogenous zones.
Some parents touch and kiss theirchild’s buttocks. Most likely thishappened to them as a child. They are confused about this boundary. Thebuttocks should never be touched. The area of the breast of young girls is a future erogenous zone and should not be touched.


2) Putting medicine on a child’s genitals.
It is not appropriate to put medicine on a child’s genitals. At about 2 years of age, the child is capable of applying medicinet o his/her own genitals. The parent should put the medicine on the child’s finger and then ask the child to apply the medicine him/herself.


3) Bathing a child and washing his or her genitals.
Some parents continue to bathe their child well up into adolescence. The parent feels as if the child cannot clean himself/herself correctly or they feel that it is an act of love to give their child a bath. For opposite sex parent and child, between the age of 4 - 5, the parent should stop bathing their child. The child is perfectly capable of washing himself/herself. If the parent must wash the child’s hair, the child should wear underwear in the tub. By age 8, the child is fully capable of washing his/her own hair without the parent’s assistance. For same sex parent and child, between the age of 4 - 5, the parent should stop bathing their child. The child is perfectly capable of washing himself/herself. If the parent must wash the child’s hair, the child does not need to wear underweari n the tub. Again, by age 8, the child is fully capable of washing his/her own hair without the parent’s assistance.


4) Disregarding the child’s privacy.
Some parents feel that they have the right to walk in on their child whenever they please. Parents must get in the habit of knocking on doors before they enter a bedroom or bathroom. Children should be taught to close and lock bathroom doors and to always knock whenever they see a closed door. This will create future good habits and the child will learn to respect another’s privacy.


5) Walking around the house half dressed or completely unclothed.
Some parents feel that there is nothing wrong with walking around the house unclothed. They may dress and undress in front of their child and step out of the shower while the child is in the bathroom. For opposite sex parent and child, between the age of 3 - 4, the parent should stop dressing or undressing in front of the child, and they should not walk around the house unclothed.For same sex parent and child, between the age of 7 - 8, the parent should stop dressing or undressing in front of the child, and they should not walk around the house unclothed.


6) Undressing the child in public.
Some parents undress their child at the park, at the swimming pool or at school in full view of other children and adults. Between the ages of 4 - 5 the child should be instructed to change in a bathroom.


7) Allowing the child to sleep in the parent's bed.
Sleeping in a parent's bed is not appropriate. Between the age of 3-4 this practice should be discontinued. The child may be invited to crawl into the parent's bed in the morning for hugs and kisses.


8) Being sexually intimate with a partner while the child is asleep in the same room.
Some parents share their bedroom with their child and engage in sexual intimacy while they believe the child is asleep. Often times, the child is wide awake and listening. This can create confusion, fear, and arousal in a child. Therefore, always wait until the child is out of the room to engage in any form of sexual intimacy.


9) Talking about a child's genitals while the child is listening.
Some parents talk to other parents about their child's genitals in front of the child. "My son is well endowed. He sure isgoing to make a lot of women happy someday" or "I just know Becky is going to have large breasts." This can create embarrassment and confusion in the child since s/he does not comprehend the full nature of the conversation. Therefore, there should be no mention ofthe child's private body parts while the child is listening.


10) Using inappropriate names when referring to private body parts.
Using profane words or calling private body parts inappropriate names such as"weenie", "winkie", "boobs", and"booty", communicates a profane view of the body that feels icky and which causes confusion in the child. The parent should only use anatomically correct terms for private body parts.


11) Telling dirty jokes, leaving provocative magazines about, allowing the child to watch movies of a sexual nature.
Exposing a child to material of a sexual nature is sexual abuse.


12) Communication to the child that sex is dirty, evil or nasty.
Some parents tell the child that theg enitals are dirty and that sex is evil and nasty. They shame the child if the child touches himself/herself and may even punish the child for masturbating. Parents should never insinuate that sex or the human body is bad, dirty or nasty. If the child asks questions about thebody or about how babies are made, parents should answer questions thoughtfully and appropriately. The explanation given to a four year old will be different than the explanation given to a ten year old. A number of books on the subject matter have been written. Parents can consult the books and be ready with age appropriate answers. As regards to masturbation, it is a perfectly normal practice as long as the child does it in private. On ultra-sound, malef etuses have been observed masturbating in the womb.


13) Touching, kissing or hugging the child in a flirtations way.
Some parents are confused about how to express affection to the child. A mother may nibble on her son's ear and kiss him on the neck. She may push her breasts into his face and call him "her little lover boy." A father may massage his daughter's leg or look at her in a desirous way. Parents should show affection in appropriate ways and avoid treating their child like a sexual object.


14) Staring at men or women in a sexual way while the child is present.
Some fathers stare at women's' breasts or buttocks and some women eye men's crotches or chests while in the presence of their child. This behavior is not appropriate around children.


15) Using poor judgment when taking a child into a public restroom.
Some parents use poor judgment when taking their child into a public restroom. A mother may take her 3 year old son into a men's restroom while other men are standing at the urinal. Not only is she violating the privacy of the men who are standing at the urinal, but if she is married, she is also violating her husband by looking at other men's genitals. For a mother and her son, the mother should never go into a men's restroom with her son. The boy should be instructed to go in by himself and use a stall rather than a urinal. This will ensure that he has privacy. While the boy is in the bathroom the mother should wait outside. If she feels it is dangerous to send her son into the men's room alone, then she should take him into the women's restroom where he will use a stall. This can be done up until about the age of 6. For a father and his daughter, the father should never take his daughter into a men's restroom. There may be other men using the urinal which would expose her to seeing their genitals. Thef ather should instruct his daughter to go into a women's restroom where she will use a stall. While the girl is in the bathroom the father should wait outside. If he is concerned about how she is doing, he can ask a woman who is going into the bathroom to check on his daughter. He should never go into the restroom to check up on her himself.



CONCLUSION
The crossing of any of these sexual boundaries is sexual abuse and can have serious negative effects on children. They often grow up believing that their bodies are not their own and that other's can do to them as they please. Children should be made awaret hat no one has the right to touch them in any way. Every 3-6 months they should be reminded, that in the event that someone touches their bodies, especially their genitals, they should immediately tell a parent or teacher. In the future, if you feel as if there might be something wrong with what you are saying to your child or doing with your child, chances are your gut feelings are right. You may be crossing your child's sexual boundaries and you need to think about this seriously. It is sexual abuse. If, even after nagging doubts or after being told by someone that what you are doing is wrong, then you must ask yourself why must you do what you are doing. Who is it really benefiting, your child or yourself? If you can honestly examine your response, you will mos tprobably find that what you are doing feels good to you, not to your child. So, whenever you are unsure about a particular situation remember this motto:

WHEN IN DOUBT LEAVE IT OUT.

kematian itu pasti

pagi td, setiba di pejabat aku lihat ada satu sms dr teman sepejabat, "saya cuti hari ini, ayah tenat". "ok", jawapan aku beserta sedikit pesanan supaya bersabar. tak lama kemudian satu lagi sms tiba, "ayah saya baru meninggal sebentar tadi". innalillah, betapa ketentuan Allah itu mengatasi segalanya. bila Allah kata bahawa masa kita telah tiba, dalam sekelip masa nyawa kita akan berpisah meninggalkan kita. terkedu aku seketika. setelah berbincang dengan seorg lagi teman, kami berpakat menziarahi jenazah di rumahnya.
tiba di sana kulihat, telah ramai yang tiba untuk menziarahi jenazah. namun apa yang menjadi sedikit kesalan di hatiku betapa tiada bacaan ayat suci al-Quran yang kedengaran seperti kebiasaan yang aku lihat di tempat2 lain. biasanya apabila ada kematian, pasti ada ahli keluarga, atau saudara-mara si mati yang berada di sisi mengalunkan ayat suci. mungkin perkara ini bukanlah suatu amalan yang dilakukan oleh Rasulullah, namun bagi pandangan aku yg kerdil ini, perkara yang baik tidak salah dilakukan. sekurang-kurangnya, mengelakkan kita daripada bual-bual kosong, melayan perasaan sedih yang hanya akan mengganggu fikiran.
berbalik kepada teman aku tu, aku lihat dia tenang. mungkin sebab dengan keadaan ayahnya yang sememangnya terlantar sakit sejak dua minggu lalu maka dia telah bersedia menghadapi kemungkinan ini. kepada mereka sekeluarga, takziah dari aku. semoga mereka semua bersabar dengan ujian ini. sesungguhnya, setiap yang hidup pasti akan mati dan takdir telah menentukan bahawa ayahandanya kembali mengadap Ilahi pada hari ini. semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat dan meletakkannya bersama hamba-hamba-Nya yang terpilih. amin.... Al-Fatihah.